Life Update: It Got Worse

I don't know about you but I am done with the year 2023. 

Thank you to all of you who have stuck around during this monster of a year! There has been a lot of unexpected tragedy in my personal life that has affected my posting here but I took a bit of a break and hope to go back to posting regularly in the new year. I had to take a breather and reprioritize a lot of different things and it was a good reminder that it is ok to slow down and appreciate the truly good things in life. 

Available Here

Speaking of good things, I couldn't let the ten year anniversary of my first book go by without saying anything! I still can't believe I actually did it, but I am so glad I did. I hope to have another collection of poems available in the new year as well and will keep you updated on that! If you have someone in your life who likes poetry, you can purchase it right here.

As terrible as this year has been, I am still looking forward to the next and what it will bring. I hope you are surrounded by love this holiday season!

College Admissions Coaching And Planning With Hallie Walden Bagley

Writing has been a part of my life since as long as I can remember. My mother and father had a gigantic library that I had free access to since I could read. I spent hours going through all of the titles and picking out which adventure I was going to start that day. My father built a reading nook in the house we lived in when I was little and it was by far my favorite spot in the house.

I began to wonder if I could make up my own stories while I was still very young. My dad was a journalist so we always had a computer and that is where I began to write my own adventures.

I have been a voracious reader ever since. When I attended college, my favorite assignment was essays, as you can probably guess. I was studying to acquire a Paralegal degree so I was used to having to research and couldn't wait to be able to do it full time! I decided to write one of my papers on mass hysteria  and loved learning about all of the different cases over written history. It has always been an interesting occurence to me since I first read about the Salem Witch Trials years ago. Other assignment essays weren't as easy to write, however, and I was always so glad to be able to find help and inspiration in reading and researching whatever I could about the subject as I could. When I couldn't make sense of it, it was time to call in more help and I am so glad that there were infinite resources on the internet to choose from!

Hallie Walden Bagley: College Essay Coaching And Planning 

One of my favorite publications, The Paris Review, always had something interesting to read and were always the most memorable to me. I have found some of my favorite authors there and it is still a great place to learn as well as finding new fiction! That's why I was really excited to learn that the managing editor, Hallie Walden Bagley, is offering college admissions essay coaching and planning! Hallie Walden Bagley holds a BA in English Literature from Dartmouth College and a Juris Doctorate from Columbia University School of Law and found her writer's voice on The Paris Review. She is ready to help you in any way to get into your school of choice! Your college admissions essay is probably the most important essay that you will ever write during college, in my opinion. My daughter is currently in her Junior year of college and I remember how she agonized over hers. It turned out that she did such a great job, she not only was accepted to her college of choice, but a second one as well!

If you find yourself struggling to write your perfect college admissions essay, whether it's because you need a little proofreading and coaching to make sure it's just right or because you can't even begin your outline, there is always help out there. Hallie Walden Bagley's college admissions coaching and planning courses are definitely a great start!

Where will your adventure begin? 

A Matter Of Pride

She's in the mirror again
using those words
familiar
as the spark blows
across your mind
igniting the fire
that began
it all

She's your reflection again
using all of the bits
you buried
or pretended you did
under layers of dullness
years of the nothing void you hid in
that accumulated into 
reruns of your mind that
the picture sitting 
on your mantle of pride 
now holds

the ghost
of fascination
constructed from the mold of you
that now suffers
because 
in the mirror 
all she sees is
you
running
away.

Run by Noah Stacey on ArtStation

Why I Love Being An Indie Author

Since the first time I wrote a story and let someone read it, I have wanted to be an author.

My father loved my story so much that it was published in the Virginian Pilot - Ledger Star newspaper in my hometown (where he just so happened to be an editor of said paper) when I was seven years old. 

All through my school career, my English teachers loved me, I was in the newspaper club, the yearbook staff, and I focused on writing in any way that I could. I never thought I could make a career at it.

Then, I got swept up into life and got married, had two children, and wrote when and where I could. As I learned and practiced more, I started to enter my stories into competitions on the internet. I won and was paid for writing my story for The Legendary. 

After that, I began to consider writing and being published. I wrote and saved over the days as I took care of my family and researched at night while they slept.

I wrote about Drive In Movie Theaters for FilmSnobbery for about a year and enjoyed every minute of it. Drive In Movie Theaters are the best way to experience all movies, by the way.

Just in case you forgot like a crazy person.

I kept writing on Tumblr, and Facebook, and Twitter, and all of those other places you find yourself immersed in online and stumbled across CreateSpace. That was it. CreateSpace helps you format and edit not only your words but your book cover! It gave me total creative control over my book and I excitedly started putting my first book together. 

Of course you can still purchase it here

It was done! I had done it! And people were buying it! It was almost a surreal experience.

My second book followed shortly after and I was so excited for the whole process again. I put it together using my own creative control, published, and it was well received as well!

Also still available for purchase 

 Now, there are some pros and cons I've found being a self-published author and I'm going to share them with you.

PROS

• You have 100% creative control. You decide what goes in and what stays out. You have all of the creative freedom in the world.
• It's an excellent way to learn the process of your craft, all the way down to how books are bound.
• You get as many copies as you need for promotions, giveaways, and signings for free. 
• YOU DID IT. Yeah, just that feeling. That feeling of accomplishing a lifetime goal is the biggest pro of being a self published indie author.

CONS

• MARKETING. Get ready to HAVE to learn everything you never cared about! You should be able to get a marketing degree from Google for all of the tips, tricks, stats, graphs, blahhblahblah you have to research to get even an inkling of a tip or trick to get your book out there. You are definitely going to have to eat it on marketing and just pay someone to do it if you can swing it. I've tried myself and I've paid others to do it and when I've paid others to do it, it always turns out much, MUCH better.
• You are now grouped in with "What's Up With Needles?!" by Anti-vax Mom and "Hey, Aliens Are Real, Join My Cult!" By Crazy O'Ridiculous or the zillion "Marketing Master Entrepreneur Real Pro Tips" By Basic Business Guy/Gal In A Business Suit on the cover as the type of authors people associate self published authors with. 
• You are going to learn a lot about royalties. You'll have to learn to negotiate and fight for your work to get the money you deserve. Although, once you can negotiate the right terms, you'll be so happy, especially when you get your first check!
• It's A LOT of work. Expect to put a lot of work into it. It's more than just writing once you are publishing.

But, it's so worth it. I love being an indie author! I love having complete control over my words and how I present them to the world. But most of all, I proved to that little seven year old girl that yes. Yes, you can write a book. And you will.

And, you did.

I'm working on my third book at the moment which will be another collection of poems. I hope to have it out by next autumn but maybe I will get it out sooner. Either way, I'm excited to be closer to my next publication! 

What do you love about being an Indie Author?

Is It Too Early To Talk About The Holidays?

Because I feel like it's never too early to talk about the holidays.

I know a lot of you parents out there are still dealing with going back to school and it's rough. I've been there and done it.

The payoff, though, is when the holidays come around! The very super best holiday is coming first and I am SO ready for it!

Kids in halloween costumers are hysterical! I used to love bringing my kids trick or treating or to fall festivals and see all of the great costumes. Fun Fact: My husband and I almost got married on Halloween because it's our favorite holiday, heh.

Actual footage of the first time I saw my husband.

Thanksgiving is a special holiday in our immediate family. Since my husband was in the Navy, we moved around a lot far away from everyone so on Thanksgiving, or Stuff Your Face Day as we called it, it was just my husband, myself, and my two kids. We'd feast out and just spend time together. We would try to outdo each other searching out Black Friday Deals! We found some crazy deals over the years and even camped out one night for Black Friday. Only once, though. It's still memories that are wonderful to hold.

At the end of the year, we have a huge celebration on the beach in The Outer Banks. My husband has a huge family and it's so nice to be able to spend the winter holidays all together. The view isn't half bad, either.

Are you ready for the holidays? What Black Friday deals would make you the most excited this year? What's your favorite holiday? 

Deepest Dark

In my deepest
dark
You can't see me

look away

This is where I 
hide
just me
and my dreams

toss and turn
through 
the replay

down here
I'm not okay
I promise

In my deepest
dark

You can't hear me
silence
embracing me like an old
friend

grasping at anything to climb out

eventually

As for now,
I'm down in my deepest
dark
hiding
just me and my dreams.

Letters To No One

Letters to no one
and letters to nowhere

screaming into the void

Is anyone there?

words and letters
sounds and silence

living amongst
invisible

memories

wash over me
wash all of my sins away
the heat of the water

reminds me 
to breathe

in 

and 

out

as my sins
swirl around 
the drain
and fall into 
nowhere

I feel the void
pressing in
reaching out to me
because of

my letters to no one
that finally reached
nowhere.

Source

The Day The Sun Came Out

Originally published on The Legendary (downdirtyword.com)

The Day The Sun Came Out (April 11, 2012. Issue 36. The Late Issue)

My mother has been in a committed relationship since I was 17 years old. While people staying together that long is an anomaly within itself these days, my mother is still with the woman she fell in love with when I was only 12 years old.

My life as it is today hasn't always been this way. I grew up in a traditional home, my father worked as a journalist and editor for the local paper and my mother worked various jobs as we moved around.

From an early age, however, I knew there was something different about my family.

My parents seemed like they weren't very happy most of my life. My father manifested this by becoming a working alcoholic at a young age and my mother, well my mother cried a lot. Things were pretty bleak but it was my family and all I knew so I assumed this was how all families were. Things went on like this up until I was about 12.

My mother was involved in community theater my entire life. Everywhere we went, she found the local theater and immediately got herself and my brother and I involved in it.

We were all in plays together and had a lot of fun.

My father wasn't interested in the least. He didn't come to our performances and was pretty annoyed when we sat around practicing lines or rehearsing.

We moved away from my hometown for awhile when I was 11 and when I was almost 12, my mother met Mary for the first time. We all met Mary. She worked the light board for most of the plays in the theater and was just generally talented in all things set design.

Mary and my mother soon became best friends. We often did things with her family and things slowly began to change. We went camping more, we went on little trips. My mom smiled more. Mary had a daughter around my age and a son around my brother's age and I thought her husband was hilarious. Mostly, I was just glad my mom had finally found a friend.

As I grew older, Mary and my mother grew closer and closer as my mother and father drifted apart. By the time I was 15, my father was drinking every day, especially so on the weekends, and just didn't really have anything to do with any of us. We continued to all hang out together as a family and sometimes my father joined us but most of the time he didn't.

When I was 16 almost 17, my mother told me that she had decided that she was going to divorce my father. We were going to move again and that's when I found out the secret that all of us KNEW but couldn't confirm.

My mother and Mary were in love.

To me as a 17 year old girl, this news was confusing, frightening, and exciting all at the same time. I knew my mother was happy with Mary but I didn't quite understand same-sex relationships yet. After two nasty divorces, my mother and Mary were free to be together and I was unsure what the future would hold.

I would come to learn over these many years, however, that love is love and my mother deserved to be in a committed loving relationship no matter who it is with. When people ask me today what it was like when my mother came out, I tell them it was like the day the sun came out. Suddenly, everything was clear and bright and I understood things in a way I don't think many other people do at that age.

I have my two moms to thank for teaching me about real love and the sacrifices people make for it. The sun has never stopped shining for me, since. It may not be what most people believe but I know it is real and true and no one will ever be able to take that away from them.

Being 40 is different than what I expected.

I assumed that I would be depressed and sad, yearning for the face I used to have, the body I used to have.

Now that I'm here + a year, I have to say that I was completely and totally wrong.

I find that my tolerance for bullshit is at an all time low. I have less patience for things that I used to think were important. I don't let little things bother me as much.

And, I definitely, DEFINITELY don't give a shit if my hair/makeup/outfit is 100% perfect.

These were all things that I thought were the most important when I was in my 20s, even 30s. 

I find vanity pretty boring these days. I prefer to funnel my money, time, and energy into my bank account where it can sit and blossom into a trip to Australia or anywhere really, a nice RV, land, a home, a truck...etc.

I was always fairly good at finding bargains, now it's practically an Olympic sport.

I pay more attention to world events. I am drawn to people who are wise, kind, and thoughtful. I have real, true friends now. It's amazing.

Every day, I surprise myself with my reactions to things. What once used to make me so upset, seems kind of boring and sad now. I don't fight as much with my husband (he's super happy about that, heh). I find myself more concerned with what motivates people than any other kind of superficial things.

But, most of all, I think I have finally found myself. I knew I was in there, somewhere. I never imagined that the age I was so afraid of would actually bring out the woman I have always been meant to be.

                                                             photo courtesty of dccomics.com

What was a major life changing event in your life? Was it age or experience or both?

A New Dawn On The Mountains

Sometimes, a trip away is all you need.

Transitioning into this new life, new view has been more difficult than I ever imagined. For 21 and 19 years, I was "Mom, where is my folder? Will you tie my shoes? Mom? Mom. Mooooom." 

And I am still and will forever be mom, but having all of my butterflies flying away has been...interesting.

So, for a friend's birthday, I ran away to the Blue Ridge Mountains.

My husband and I had few opportunities to get away while the kids were growing up. We took lots of trips to visit family because I felt that was most important. Ok, and my husband's family trips are amazing! 

However, this is the first trip that just we two went on. Adults adulting with other adults.

I laughed until my belly hurt. I caught up with old and dear friends. I even got to see a gravity conveyor in action.

It's the little things.

Most of all, I got to spend time alone with the man I have been waiting to come home for good from sea for twenty years.

I think I'm going to like this new life. 

While I watch my butterflies soar on their own, maybe I could fly a little as well.

Thought

His mouth is full of snot
Oozing onto everything
shot
from the womb of a racist babboon
To look down on the have nots

Who do you think you are?

Don't you know
that you're a figurehead
You're all for show
To ease the peasants' woes
but they don't know

Who do you think you are?

You want to control my state?
Wait
You want to control the senate?
You aren't even close to being in it
But, you think you are king
In the global ring

Who do you think you are?

You think you have won
While you twitter away
But, we see who runs
when the rabbit comes to collect
the
carrot.

-Stephanie Stebbins

Hello and welcome, readers!

 Here I will be bringing you news on my future novels, past novels, interesting products, and random writings and thoughts. Comments are open, you can always ask me anything! If you would like to purchase my public works, please visit my author page on Amazon.com. Keep reading, friends <3